"NICE DAYS"

I woke up to a bit of nice sunshine this morning wich was pretty nice.A bit chilly, but nice. And I had a day off work which was a bonus. Got a phone call from an old lady friend (yes just a friend) from uni. Just spent the morning with her shoping during the boxing day sales. I didnt get anything special. Just a scketch pad. But anyway, when we arrived at the car park for the first time in a very long time I felt normal. I havent felt like this for a while. I felt like I didnt have a problem. It was realy nice. I wish it would last but I know how Im like. I cant predict somtimes whether Im going to feel good or not. Its a strange and scary world Im living in. But anyway I really would like more of these "nice days". Its like winning the lottery. Its nice to be at peace. It makes me really appreciate it when it comes. It makes me think how much we take for granted. Just the very simple things in life is a blessing. And as tough as things can be im thankful for it.

WHAT IM LISTENING TO ON REPEAT ON iTUNES

Ash- Someday

1 YEAR LATER...

Just felt the need to make a note to myself that its been 1 year and a bit since my whole mental status got a bit too serious. To be honest I really didnt think I was gonna be able to cope. I am geniuonly supprised a year has gone by so quickley and that I kinda made my way through it. I feel like things have improved and in the same breath have got worse.

STILL CANT THINK OF A TITLE

I actually feel a little better for writng the post below...but just a LITTLE!

SORRY I CANT THINK OF A TITLE

Im a in bit of a mood today. I dont feel extremely terrible, just a bit sad. Yesterday I felt my old feelings of fear creeping back up. Not nice. Especially when your on top of the world. The day before that I was unnecessarily anxious. Breathing was difficult. Just when you think your getting better, your not. Life realy isnt what we...or even I imagined it would be as a kid. My phsycologist is trying to refer me to see a professional at a real mental hospital. She says it will last about a year if I decide to go through with it. Man! I dont know if Im looking forward to it or not, but deep down I know I need help. To all those who suffer with some kind of mental health problem, I clap my hands to you. I dont know how you manage both that and life at the same time.

Ive got a few friends who know about me and my depression/anxiety/or whatever and a few out of the bunch of them have confidentially come out to me and told me they have been going through similar things as me. Both have gone through the therapy/counseling/citalopram/medication thing. One in particular even wrote about being hospitalized. And she still struggles but has come out strong and is amongst the group of friends who holds down a professional job. I really admire her. Looking at her and chatting to her you would NEVER guess she has a problem. Its a random thing to say but I really really really(ok enuff with the really business) wish I met someone like her. I would love to meet a girl who loves me and my madness and who understands exactly what im going through. But at the moment things seem impossible.

QUESTIONS

Will I ever get better? Is it still possible to to get some peace in here? Will I ever defeat fear? Will I ever be comfortable with myself again? Will I ever be able to lead a near enough "normal life"? Will I ever get married? Despite all the mental mayhem can I still persue my dreams? Will I continue to be in financial hardship? Will all this expiate my sins? Will I ever have kids? Will I ever be able t suport myself with ease? Will I ever find a wife? Lets just hope the future starts getting bright real soon INSHALLAH!!!

AN ALTERNATIVE TO ANTIDEPRESSENT MEDICATIONS PERHAPS?

Im not saying that this is the answer to my prayers, but anythings worth a try right?