:-(

Forever the enemy. Thats me.

That on and off feeling

I woke up or more was awoken this morning to a voice asking if I had done the dishes(dont ask. I live in a crazy house). So you can imagine how moody I was at 6am in the morning with scrubbing the plates down with fairy liquid. Not happy. Usually I calm down because it can be quite therapeutic. But I was in strangely sad mood. My mood did get better after I had some more sleep but for the whole day I have been switching from being ok to feeling slightly sad. And Ive had this little "electric" feeling going through my body. Something I have experienced in the past. All in all I feeling horrible but Im trying to be patient.
I even remember a couple of days ago sleeping with my headphones on listing to a bit of music. It wasnt anything to soppy, but I ended up crying as I woke up. The first thing that came to mind was "Oh shit. Not again". I really want all this to be old news but here I am a year later back on this blog rambling again. But one thing I must say is that Im terribly frightened about the future. Not without reason and not just for me. I feel like there may be some drastic world wide changes. Hopefully Im very wrong. And I really hope my best friend is ok too. I know hes going through quite a bit. Im sure its depression. But hopefully we will all be alright (InshAllah).

Peace.

I came back from a bar tonight. Wasn't the best night but you cant always get lucky. Anyhow on the way home I decided to miss my stop and go to the petrol station for some snacks. I walked back home from the station instead of taking the bus. It was a beautiful slow walk. No one about. Then it occurred to me how peaceful life is when everyone is asleep. No bickering or quarrelling of any kind. Just peace. Between 2-5am. Just peace. Always the best time in the day (or night). Sometimes I wish it would last. But thats just wishful thinking. I wish there was peace in the world and all the suffering and greed came to an end. But unfortunately we don't live in Disney land. The madness will start all over again once someone's alarm clock goes off.

.

A weird day.

Anxiety strikes back!

Ive just come back home from a little walk. I tried to book an appointment with the doctor because of a crazy cough Ive had for almost 3 months and because I cant hear jack. Im assuming its one of those blocked sinus things but it also doesnt help that I have a crazy obsession of shoving things down my ear just because it feels good. Like I said, crazy. I also hate the fact that it feels like Im getting a bad case of anxiety again. Its the kind of one thats a bit hard to control. Maybe because I havent been sleeping well this week and the week before last and have been feeling very lethargic. Not good when you know you have things to do. And did I mention I have hayfever?

A good day?

Some days I can take being a little different. Strangely enough it can be amazing and makes you really appreciate it when your blessed with a normal day. But there are some days when it JUST SUCKS!!! On a good day its so easy to forget that your a little different. Its almost as if there was nothing wrong with you in the first place. But when the good feel shows signs of ending you can also forget that you've been through it all before and thats when panic teams up with worry and before you know it you feel like your back to square one.

NOTE TO SELF: NEVER GIVE UP HOPE. EVER!!!!!

;-)

MISLED

I feel hurt. I feel like I have been misled and just left in the dumps. Some people are really fucked up. I Feel like the girl I started liking led me on. I really feel like shit. And I know she went home with some guy I happen to know and slept with him. If it was any other girl I wouldn't give a damn. But the thing is I kinda do. Ill be honest in saying I haven't done anything with her. Not even a kiss. But sometimes you just click with someone and thats it. I know she liked me and the feeling was mutual. People who didn't even know us assumed so too. And yes it is DUMB for me to fall for a woman I haven't even known for that long at all but I didnt ask for it to happen. It just did. And like a loser I let my guard down. NEVER AGAIN. She gave me so many signs and hints but When I like someone I turn from a man to a boy and become shy. And Im not even a shy dude!!! Theres so many things I want to say but wont go intot too much detail. It seems that women really don't like good guys. Man this feels so shit! Its over before anything even started. And for some fucked up reason I miss her slightly. Man I sound like a dick.