THINKING OVERLOAD

I feel a little frustrated. I feel like the things that I want to happen are moving to slow. On top of that I went out last night, came home very late and still woke up early in the morning? My body needs rest. I don't know why I keep fighting it sometimes. I think it can take a toll on my moods. The strange thing about me is that Im almost always thinking. Maybe even over thinking. Especially when my mind is on a creative high. I have lots of ideas but I sometimes dont always know how to get started. Its like my mind doesn't sleep. Im always thinking about the next thing, like I a have to be 2 steps ahead.
And then theres life. Always wondering how it will pan out? Whats going to happen next? Will I be able to survive? Will I be a success? What about money? What about a house? Will I get married? WHERE THE HECK DO ALL THESE QUESTIONS COME FROM? QUESTIONS QUESTIONS QUESTIONS!!! At a time like this some people would opt to smoke there nerves away. What do I do? Buy some biscuits, a chocolate bar and a coke! And dont forget the burger and chips on top of that!

Anxiety again...

I think Im going through a bit of anxiety at the moment. Im looking to move into my own place pretty soon and Im trying to convince my self that Im not at all scared. The thing is Im absolutely s#!ting myself. I always get this feeling when Im about to embark on something new. Especially when Im going on holiday where I know Ill be away from home for a while. This time round its me knowing that finding a new place is PERMANENT!!! No comfort zone no nothing. Im hoping that this feeling will soon disappear and eventually I will get used to a brand new environment. I cant even bring myself to go around my friends house and start searching for my new place. Aint it a b!tc# when you finally get some kind of normality in your life and then WHAM!!!

Nothing much to say...

I havent blogged anything here in a while. Havent really got much to say at the moment. Just got me a bit of a flu.

Note to self...

...get some sleep!!! Going to bed at 4am is not a good idea!

Wasting too much time doing nothing again

This is the second day that Ive wasted doing nothing. I need to shake this lethargic feeling off. I really need to get some work done.

I am...

...STRUGGLING! I feel like Im on the verge of another serious deppression which I am not looking foward to. Im ok then Im down again. Then Im ok then down again and again and again.

I went out for a nice little walk around my house yesterday and although a little anxious for some odd reason, I really enjoyed it. Fresh air and a bit of sunshine, but not without the cold.
But I cant get over how fast the day went. It got dark pretty quick

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You see this is weird. I wanted to finish what I wrote above but I was trying to do it without getting caught by family members. After a good 4 to 5 hours Ive finaly got a chance to continue but cant. You see apart from not being bothered since dissapearing for those couple of hours Ive experienced ups and downs, felt very lethergic, sadness, unreal and hopeless. ALL WITHIN THOSE 4 TO 5 HOURS. This is CRAZY!!!! And now all of a sudden I feel slighty refreshed and am blogging whilst watching a DVD!!!!!!!

BAD BRAIN!

I've been away from this blog for a little while now which is a good thing. Nothings has been amazing but it definitely hasn't been that bad either. Its was good enough to keep me away anyway. But as per usual it was only a matter of time till I started feeling "different" again.

I was in the Sainsburys today and I felt a little anxious with a dash of sadness. On top of that I hadn't eaten for the whole day so that may have added to my slightly melancholy mood. I tried to eat a bit healthy whilst I was there but got seduced by the chocolate milkshake. I couldnt help it. It was just stared at me and Im a weak man. The way I see it Im fragile right now so Im bloody entitled to treat myself.

Anyway, The reason its all gone a bit pear shaped for me right now is all because of Saturday night. Everyone in my family had all of a sudden decided they were going out. So one by one they all left. This is usually cool. I dont always have a problem with this. In fact Im always longing for the opportunity to be left alone. Im a grown ass man. I need the space sometimes. But this time it was different. As soon as the last person left my brain gradually woke up and realised that I was the only one in the house and went into panic mode. It wasnt a panic attack . It was more of an extreme worry. I tried my best to keep myself calm. I even watched a film. But this time round my brain was its own master. It totally ignored me. The bastard!

So now Im left feeling a bit sad, very tired, a little confused, pessimistic and just down right low.But you know what? Im going to try and keep thinking positive and pray and hope for this all to blow over!