Stayed over at one of my good mates house. We had to get some stuff done for a project. We did a bit then ended up talking about girls and ex girlfriends. One word of advise: DONT DO BUISNESS WITH FRIENDS!!! You wont get anything done!!! Any way we were watching TV and a programme was on about the negative and positive effects of canibiss. As soon as they went to the topic of mental ilness I could feel my anxiety & panic kicking in. I hate that. Trigger words get on my bloody nerves. Its not as bad s it used to be but its still gets me. There used to be a time where when ever I heard or read the words "mental ilness" "crazy" and especially the word "ANXIETY" I would start getting dizzy light headed and sometimes out of breath. The only thing that was able to calm me down a little was eating. Strange times!
Anyway my mate went to sleep and I was still on the computer untill I started getting tired too. I tried to sleep but forget about it. I mean I did sleep but it was a disturbed sleep. I kept waking up and having funny(but not scary)dreams. I had alot on my mind and once in a blue moon whenever that happens to me sleeping becomes an enemy. I just cant do it. I started thinking about what it would be like living alone. I was really over thinking. I dont mean to do it but I do it quite alot. I was also thinking about the time I went with my friends outside London staying at a hotel where I was having the same problem sleeping. But in that case I felt like I was silently going insane. That was not nice at all.
Wednesday 4 February 2009
oidf jnetl?????
Im struggling at the moment. Just woke up and feel dazed. Have some work that needs to be done by yesterday and im hungry. Oh and I have the whole "fear" thing settling in. Sorry about the title!!
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